Knitting. What! There's Math? AKA. Swatching Sucks

Being thoroughly sick of making hats and scarves for gifts, I have decided to make a sweater for myself.   So...I'm sitting on the couch, swatching. Grumbling and cursing.  The Dumbplumber (my everlovin' sweetie of a husband) who rarely pays attention....I swear I could dye my hair green...but ....I digress......

He asks:  "What are you making"

"A swatch", I say or more correctly, bitch.

The knitters will understand and feel my pain.   Swatching is the bane of a knitter's existence and requires math.  (dun dun dun duuuunnn  scary music sound)   For those non-knitting people let me explain.   Swatching is when you knit a bunch of samples to find out if your knitting gauge and number of stitches will make your project be the right size.   Attempting to explain to The Dumbplumber, (ladies...don't attempt  this at home. Especially if you have both had a drink or two.)

Me explaining:  "You have a pattern like THIS one   ...that I plan to make.

There is a suggestion on the yarn, size of needles and the number of stitches per inch and the number of rows per inch.  If you can knit this gauge....you are in like Flynn (whatever that means).  If not. Then your sweater will fit Godzilla or your sweater will fit a midget, but certainly not YOU.

For example

1. The pattern calls for 20 stitches to equal 4 inches on size 7 needles

2. The pattern calls for 60 stitches for a particular piece: say a part of the front.  Then the piece should equal  60/20 = 3 units   So...then 3 units should be 3 x 4" =  a 12  inch piece

All well and good, until you substitute another yarn and when you take into consideration that each person has a different style and tension in knitting.   Also if you use a different yarn, it may not knit up the same.

For example:  If my gauge works out to  16 stitches = 4 inches then the piece will be much larger.  

60 stitches/16 stitches =  3.75 units    3.75 x 4 =  15 inch piece.  

THREE inches too big on just one piece!!   Multiply this effect over all of the other parts of the sweater and you have a gigantically larger than you want sweater.

Go the other way and assume you have MORE stitches per inch and then your sweater  will be tiny.  All that time you spent knitting will have been wasted.

The only way to know your gauge  is to make a swatch, which is to knit, in the pattern, a 4 x4 inch (at least) section.  Boooorrrring.  But what is worse is to not make a swatches and make a sweater that no one born on this Earth can wear.  If you don't swatch you will be wasting hours upon hours of time. Even though this is boring beyond belief, it's better than not doing it.   And so on."  

Until the Dumbplumber's eyes begin to roll backwards in his head.

Dumbplumber having listened to all of this above reasoning (or rather bitching)

Asks: " So what do you do with this stuff you are knitting now?"

"I tear it up and roll it back into a ball", I say.

Staring at me in disbelief......"You are f***ing nuts.", says he.

I can't disagree.

Scanning the Past

I'll admit it.  I'm a compulsive clipper and saver.  I clip out recipes from magazines and file them away into categories. When I go to yard sales I buy old cookbooks.  I especially love the small books put out by clubs and ladies associations.  Interesting regional books.  Old cookbooks that are a view into what our lives were like in other times, like the depression or the roaring 20's.

I have binders and shelves full of crafting magazines.  McCalls, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, American Home Crafts.  I have clipped and saved crafting ideas and instructions from magazines for decades, since the 1960's when I started crafting.  Boxes and files full of old and yellowing clippings that I can peruse when looking for a new idea or an old idea that is new again.  Decorating and house ideas.  Yardscapes and gardening ideas.   We actually used many of those as inspiration when building our house.

Often I look at these old ideas and get great inspiration.  Other times I just laugh and wonder......what were we thinking?  Seriously.  Using styrofoam meat trays as an art form?   Who would want to wear

THIS or even spend a great deal of time making such a monstrosity.

OMG the 70's What were we thinking

What self respecting man would wear THIS.  Why in the world did I ever clip this and save it

Really Ugly Trout Sweater

Some ideas are still interesting and inspiring.  Classics that don't go out of style.  I think I will be making this sweater this winter for myself.

Aran Sweater

What?!!   What are you looking at??   I'm not a hoarder.   Everything is organized and neat.  ORGANIZED I tell you  :-)

Well.  Enough is enough with the piles of clippings. Now that I'm retired and I have time to get back into the things I love to do.  Cooking and Crafting, it is time to get into the 21st century already.  I am now in the process of scanning the craft clippings into PDF or JPEG formats.   Now I can clutter up my computer with files instead of my filing cabinet.

Scanning the past and saving the ideas.   Now if I can just bring myself to actually throw away the clippings after I have scanned them.   Nope.....not a hoarder.

Sand in the Hourglass

Sad news today.  Andrew Breitbart  is dead at the very young age of 43.  He was a tireless champion of truth and fighting against the liberal media propaganda machine.  But....this post isn't really about Breitbart.  There will be plenty of people who can recap the life and importance of what Breitbart has accomplished and what his work means to all of us.

This post is about something that I and my husband have discussed and have been thinking about more and more as time goes on.  All around us we see friends and family getting older.  Sometimes with grace.  Sometimes not, railing against the enviable and denying the reality of age.  We see our friends and family facing failing health, failing minds and eventually death.    

We see ourselves.

We are all born with a certain amount of sand in our hourglass.  We have been allotted just so much time here on earth.  What happens after the sand runs out?  Who knows.  Doesn't matter.

What matters is what you do and how you act now.

It is obvious to us that at the ages of 62, that there is now more sand in the bottom of our hourglass than there can be remaining in the top.   How much sand?  Who knows?  We may have just a few grains left.  We may have many more years of sand to enjoy. 

One thing for certain is that the sand in the top of our hourglass is worth more to us NOW than it was 50 years ago.  In those days the sand was something we didn't think about.  There was an endless amount of sand to be wasted and frittered away.   

We didn't appreciate the meaning of the sand in the hourglass because it was full on the top. 

Now that the sand is running out, every day is a treasure to be appreciated.  We don't have the luxury of being oblivious to life.     Wasting the remaining grains on meaningless anger.   With people you don't like.  On drudgeries that can be avoided.

I plan to use my remaining sand on the little, peaceful things that make me happy.  Spend my grains of sand by being with people that I love. 

Enjoying the activities that may not be changing the world or impacting society.  Just appreciating that each day and each grain of sand is a precious gift. 

Today: I will read a book.  Bake an apple tart with the remaining summer apples from the trees in our orchard.  Throw some grain to the quail in the snow and from my office window, watch the woodpeckers and great northern flickers enjoy the suet squares in wire baskets nailed to the trees.  Perhaps finish a knitting project and peruse my craft books to plan the next one.  I will call a good friend who is in assisted living, because tomorrow, her sand may run out.

I will enjoy cocktails and dinner and conversation with my husband.  Snuggle together under our warm down comforter with the cat trying to sleep in the middle of the bed while it snows outside.

I will be thankful that we still have some sand left and appreciate every grain.

What I Love About Christmas.....What I Hate About Christmas

Ah...the most wonderful time of the year.  Ring ling a ling.  Christmas is here.  Fa la la la la.  Bah humbug.

I'm always conflicted about the Christmas season.  There is much to love and much to not love.

In the past, before marrying Mr. Dumbplumber and when I was working for minimum wages at a crappy job, standing on my feet for 8 hours a day and living in a crumbling shamble of a marriage, Christmas was a time of stress and hardship.  With no money and no happiness in my life, I "put on a happy face" for my child.  Keeping up the fantasy of Christmas was tiring, discouraging and depressing.  We didn't have family close by so we rarely had any  gatherings of relatives.  No Norman Rockwell Christmases.  Christmas was also a time to remind me how alone I was and isolated from family. We had presents, mostly hand made because I couldn't afford much else. I was the only parent who participated in the Christmas decorating or the Christmas spirit.  We did have good food, cookies, candy, cakes and all the trimmings.  THIS I can do on a shoestring.

Christmas to me, as an adult, always represented deprivation, hardship and inadequacy.  My daughter didn't know this and her memories of the holidays are good.  My job as a parent was successful: to protect your child and allow them the joys and fantasies of the holidays.

Things are different now and money isn't an issue, but the stress is still there.  Like a cat that has been conditioned by evil scientists with shock treatments, I still am wary about the holidays.  My wonderful husband says......GET OVER IT.   So I try.

Today, there is much to like about Christmas and much not to like.

I love to give presents.  To think about what the person needs and wants and to see their appreciation of the gift is priceless. To try to find just the right thing for each person.  I still hand make many of my gifts because I like to do so. It isn't out of necessity now, it is out of love.

I hate wrapping presents.  I don't do a very good job because I'm impatient.  My packages look like a team of   Chimpanzees did the wrapping.  Frankly, I really don't see much point in spending lots of money on wrapping, bows, glitter and all that stuff.  The package is going to be ripped open and the effort put into making it "pretty" is going to be burned in the trash barrel shortly after Christmas along with the other boxes and trash.  Those gift bags that can be used over again are a brilliant invention.

I love decorating the tree.  Each ornament.....mostly hand made from salt dough, knitted, quilted from fabric scraps or assembled from feathers from wild game we had killed and eaten, has a memory attached.  Granted some of the memories are not so good, but others are.  The fun that my daughter and I had making the hair of Santa's salt dough beard with a garlic press.   The time we were able to buy a special ornament, that ceramic skating teddy bear or the glass prism stars.

I hate decorating the tree, because all the while I know that I will have to clean up all this stuff.  The prickly tree will attack me and leave welts that itch and last for weeks. The lights become impossibly snarled.  Each ornament will have to be put back into the boxes or wrapped up for protection.  Knowing that as time goes on after Christmas, the tree will begin to look sadder and sadder and eventually be thrown out to be burned.  What a waste of time.  I'm always tempted to just throw the whole tree out with the lights still attached.

I love the cooking.  What a great excuse to make mounds of goodies.  To try out new recipes and give the results to friends.  The holidays are a cooking fanatic and recipe junkie's best time of the year.  Inviting family and friends over for a big feast is something I look forward to.

I love the fact that Christmas is when the days begin getting longer and that we are turning the corner of the short days, dark cold nights to the promise of spring and summer.  To every season...turn turn turn.

I hate that my birthday is just after Christmas.  January 6.  Epiphany.  A birthday party was always an afterthought.  I think I had 3 birthday parties as a kid.  Everyone else was burned out by the holidays from Halloween through New Years.  Who wanted to have yet another party? Generally, it was just..."Oh...here is an extra gift for your birthday under the tree".  I suppose it could be worse, my father's birthday is Christmas Eve.

In addition, many of our Christmases were spent in Mexico visiting with our relatives who lived in Mexico City or traveling to and fro to get there and back.  Most of the childhood memories I have of Christmas are those with a Mexican tradition, not American.

I love some kinds of Christmas music.   My favorites are the traditional tunes that are about the religious nature of Christmas.   THIS is one of my favorites.

I hate the Christmas music that is everywhere beginning shortly after Halloween it seems.  In the grocery store, on all radio stations.  If I have to hear Santa Baby or Rocking Around the Christmas Tree  one more time, I'm going to find a department store Santa and beat the crap out of him.  Ho....freaking HO!   I think Christy Lee must have finally biffed it since we aren't bombarded with her advertisements.  Thank you God.  Having Christmas shoved down our throats 24/7 really doesn't put me into the holiday spirit.

Which brings me to one of my biggest hates about Christmas. I HATE the merchandising The commercial buy buy BUY THIS STUFF attitude.  The relentless shoving of products and brainwashing of the children to demand ever more gifts and ever more expensive gifts.  I guess this goes back to my first issue of poverty and Christmas.  As a parent, you often just can NOT get that Barbie Dream House, new bike, game system or whatever.  The children, especially those who still believe in...you know who....don't understand this and when the gift they have their heart set upon getting isn't there, they think that maybe there is something wrong.   Did Santa not like them this year?  Were they bad? Terrible children?  So in order to not disappoint your young child and to not appear to be an inadequate failure of a parent in the eyes of your children, you cave into the merchandising frenzy and go into debt for toys and items that often are just later discarded or wear out.

I try to think about the good things, remember WHY we have Christmas and to appreciate how much better my life is now.  You do need to have experienced the downs in life to appreciate the good fortune you have..... and I am very blessed indeed. 

Merry Christmas.  Have some delicious cookies and don't let me wrap your presents for you.

Another Chemo Hat

My friend, who has been diagnosed with breast cancer, had a mastectomy and is now in the middle of chemotherapy with radiation therapy yet to look forward to, has lost her hair and eyebrows.   Fortunately, she is a strong personality and has handled all of this with grace and humor.  Her husband is a rock that she can lean on and is a pillar of strength.   As friends, there isn't much you can do to help and you don't want to intrude or tire her out with too many visits or be overly sentimental.  She isn't that kind of person.....and frankly neither am I.  That is probably why we get along and she is one of a very few women in my lifetime that I have counted as  friends.

There are not many things you can do, but there is one thing that I CAN do.  Knit hats.   You lose much of your body heat through your head.   When you have no hair.....the loss is really significant and noticeable.  Not only is your head cold.....you are freaking bald.   Now, I know that many men are bald and not happy with that situation, but society readily accepts the sight of a bald man.  A cue ball bald woman not so much.   So to be warm and to not appear freakish, women who are going through chemotherapy tend to wear hats during the day as well as night.   Fancy hats.  Frilly cute hats. Warm snugly hats.  Hats with a sense of humor.

Since she is not a frilly person or a person who wears dainty pastels [neither am I], the hats I have been making are bold, sensible, warm and comfortable.   This is a cabled brim hat.  The pattern is from Knitty.com.    Man, it is amazing what you can find on the Internet.   For those of you who may be interested in knitting or crochet,  I really suggest you sign up for Ravelry.com  It is a huge on line community of people who love to craft, creative and more than willing to share patterns and tips.

Cable Brimmed Hat

They say that after Chemo and Radiation, your hair grows back in differently.  Sometimes it is curly where it was straight before, sometimes it's even darker or a different texture.

So while my friend is waiting for her NEW hair to grow in she has another hat to keep warm.

Naked Knitting

So the other day, I'm finishing up this hat for the Dumbplumber and expounding to him on how to make decreases and why the colors seem to line up in these nifty stripes.

His response......"You know, husbands might be more interested in  knitting if you did it naked ....Nekid Knitting.....Just saying."

All righty then.    The Bare Nekid Ladies Knitting Club.!!!   I think it could take off and become a national movement.

And while I'm at it.

The Dumbplumber's baby photo

Awwww.  Wasn't he cute.  Still has that same sunny disposition (mostly) and sense of humor.

What Did I Do Today

Now that I'm retired, what in the world do you do all day long. I've been busier than ever. What did I do today?

Dear Diary

Chemo Hat

I have a dear friend who has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Breast cancer is a terrible thing. OK...all cancer is a terrible thing. Breast cancer is especially terrible. First, you have your breasts amputated. For many women (and their husbands) breasts are a part of your sexuality and a source of sexual pleasure. Part of the image of who you are as a woman.

Next. A year of chemotherapy and radiation treatments to try to kill the rest of the cancer. As a result my friend will lose her hair. Fortunately, she is a strong willed person with a positive attitude and has a supportive and loving husband. I feel confident that she will make it through this and pray for her recovery.

To help in a tangible way (as prayers are intangible), I have made a hat for her. Chemo hats need to be soft and without seams.

I used the pattern from this web site: Confessions of a Maniacal Thrower

Made with a soft merino, cashmere blend from Cascade Yarns. Cash Vero. It was a pleasure to knit with. Soft and buttery. And ended up with a lovely hat.

Everything Old is New Again

UPDATE:  January 18/2015
Sue Doran has given us a link in the comments to where the pattern for the shawl shown below can be obtained.  https://www.etsy.com/listing/125740185/pdf-crochet-pattern-vintage-70s-piano?ref=market

She is our hero.  I've looked and looked and decided that my pattern must have been one  lost in a flood a few years ago and where my boxes of patterns got soaked.   Check out the link on Etsy.  We bow to Sue


Knitting has suddenly become a revived craft. Everywhere you go, you see women and young girls knitting. Scarves, fingerless gloves, hats, sweaters. Knitting has become a cool and hip thing to do.

Well, it seems that everything old is new again. We are going through a resurgence of crafting. Knitting, sewing, quilting. Just look at the magazines and see the numbers of specialty publications

I credit the economy. When times are hard, people become thrifty and resourceful. Reviewing my collection of craft magazines from the 60's through the 90's, I can see that everything old IS new again.

I learned to knit from my Grandmother back in the early 60's as a pre-teen. The Hippie culture (n which I was briefly immersed) prized homemade and handicrafts. The Carter years brought austerity, stagflation, unemployment, high costs and crafting became even more mainstream. Of course all the Grannies who learned to be thrifty during the Great Depression already had the skills. Nothing new for them however, the young generation during the Carter Recession relearned the crafts. Now.....during this current Great Recession, yet another generation is taking up the sword...I mean the knitting needles. Everything old is new yet again.

I've started scanning the clippings,craft books from my collection. Scanning some of the sketches from my own designs that I've kept forever. First of all to have better organization and access to the patterns and ideas. However, the main reason is that some of those older magazines have become fragile and are literally falling apart.

Really dated ideas that just SCREAM 60's hippie stuff.



Others are just interesting (to me anyway) because they are ideas, colors, techniques potential for other projects.



And some things are just timeless.



I'm making this one for myself now.

Catching Up

Wow. Long time no post.

Has it really been 8 months since I retired? Time has just zipped by. People keep asking me if I'm bored or miss my work. Like I said in my Every Day is Saturday post.....are they NUTS? No way. I have more to do than ever and the bonus is that it is things that I want to do.

Having worked since the age of 15 and with the exception of a few months of maternity leave 33 years ago and a 5 month stretch of unemployment, when the government regulated my job out of existence, I have worked straight through for 47 years. 47 years of working for other people and for myself. 47 years of structuring my life around other people's work schedule, other people's demands and trying to squeeze in the fun things, recreation and the necessary household chores that keep the house from crumbling around you into big dust bunny piles.

So to recap....what have I been doing and what has been happening in the last 8 months in no particular order

1.This one IS the most important however. I became a grandmother to the most adorable, gorgeous, smart,talented etc etc grandson. I've been able to see him once. But now that my daughter and family are moving back to the Bay Area....I will be able to visit more often.


2. Yes. We did get a refrigerator. And we are keeping the little fridge on the deck for beer and wine.








3. Started knitting again and made a pair of nice wool socks to wear around the house. I plan to make many more pairs for myself and for the Dumbplumber so that when winter comes our feet won't have popcicle toes. Also some hats for a dear friend who is going to have chemo treatments soon and will be hairless.

4. BIG PROJECT!! Went through my craft magazines and clippings that I have been collecting since the early 1960's. Organized them by publisher and by date and put them into containers that can be stood upright on the shelving in my personal (not work) office. Now in the process of scanning the projects that I want to start on and categorizing by type. Knitting: hats, scarves, sweaters. Sewing: toys, aprons, decorative. Weaving. etc etc etc. This is a project for the winter months.

5. Gardening. This is something I rarely had time for and this year I was able to really utilize the raised beds and realized that the deer are eating up all of my hard work. It is WAR!! Oh YEAH its on. Next year......a fence around the garden. Maybe something like THIS.....
Ok....dream on.

6. Speaking of office. When I closed my financial planning practice, we transfered all of the furniture upstairs into my husband's, and now my office, for his business. In addition to all of the fun stuff, I am also the bookkeeper, record clerk, ordering clerk, banker and bill collector.

Part of office set up before decorating.

Our next goal for the office is to find a neat art deco style buffet to turn into a wet bar where we can display our collection of crystal decanters and have a cocktail at the end of the day.

Cooking, organizing recipes (another collection years in the making), canning fruit, sewing aprons, making stuffed toys, cleaning. I know, most of those things sound like work and not all that much fun, especially the cleaning, but when you have never been able to really get to it.....it is satisfying to accomplish that closet cleaning and pruning that hasn't been done for years.

SO much to to. SO much fun. Everyday seems like Saturday.

Retirement IS everything it was cracked up to be.

I'm Jammin' ..Hope You Like Jammin' Too

You can feel Fall in the air. The mornings are crisp, cool and clear. Some of the trees have even begun to turn color. The fruit trees are loaded and people who have gardens are desperate to unload their excess onto anyone who will take squash, zucchini or anything else.

After our war with the robins and race to see who would get the cherries from the sour cherry tree....we won by the way.... we have been inundated with wild plums and peaches. Hating to see this bounty go to waste, I've been canning and jammin' (Bob Marley reference here)

Wild plums are something that you have to experience and are hard to explain just how fablulous they are.



Slightly smaller than ping pong balls, they are sour. Pucker your face sour. However, once made into a jam or jelly. They turn from reddish yellow sour balls into the best sweet and tart reddish orange jam. Some years we have a lot. Some years, not so much. It even varies from tree to tree. One tree will bloom and bear fruit, while the tree right next to it will be just a week behind or ahead on the blossom schedule and be barren. Timing is everything.

This year I made two batches of wild plum jam. We gave most of it away as gifts and ate it all up.

Peaches Galore

My husband oversees some properties that are owned by absentee landlords. This year one of the peach trees was loaded, almost to the breaking point, with small peaches. Since no one is going to be coming up to use the fruit, we get to harvest it when we can. From the peaches I made Peach Jam, Sour Cherry Peach Jam and Peach Barbeque Sauce. There were so many peaches we gave over half of them away to other ladies (gluttons for punishment) who also like to cook and can.

These are just a few of the jars of the different jams. All in all about 4 dozen jars.


I love the jewel tones they have when the light shines through. Almost like a stained glass window in a church. The miracle of being able to preserve the bounty of summer and fall and enjoy throughout the cold winters.

In the freezer are still more peaches and sour cherries.

As if this all wasn't enough. I have a friend who's husband made a huge and I mean huge over an acre garden. She has loaded me up with green beans. So.....spicy garlic dilled beans.

Wait..... They told me there was to be no math!!

Remember when you were in school and you were forced to take math... Algebra, Geometry... and you said to your snotty teenage self...."When am I ever going to need THIS stuff?" and dug in your heels and you did just the minimal amount of work to get by.

Well, if you ever plan to be a quilter: or actually to be a carpenter or any other building type of trade, you are going to need those skills. Quilting and especially piece work is all about math and geometry.

Since I have all these scraps of fabric to use, I want to make a small baby quilt for the pending GRANDSON. Something that he can lay on and that they can use as a wall hanging later. I've been informed that the baby's room will be in bright primary colors so I've settled on this pattern?



Cool. So I download the pattern and instructions from www.allpeoplequilt.com. Easy peasy pattern. Just make strips of fabric from the scraps using the rotary cutter and sew together.

Unfortunately, there is a snag. The quilt is too small given the size of strips in the pattern. Each block is 7 inches. All I have to do is figure what size I want the finished quilt to be and enlarge the block and enlarge the strips. No problemo. Right?

Each block is 7 strips wide



Each strip is cut with a 1/4 inch seam allowance. SO then, if I want a 12 inch block then I divide by 7 and add 1/2 inch to each piece. 2.2142857 inches. Hmmmm that isn't going to work.

Ok. 10 inch blocks. 10/7 +.5 = 1.9285714 yikes. Too much math.

Ah... Screw it. I'll just have to wing it!! Cut the strips 2.25 inches and end up with a finished strip 1.75 inches.