Knitting. What! There's Math? AKA. Swatching Sucks

Being thoroughly sick of making hats and scarves for gifts, I have decided to make a sweater for myself.   So...I'm sitting on the couch, swatching. Grumbling and cursing.  The Dumbplumber (my everlovin' sweetie of a husband) who rarely pays attention....I swear I could dye my hair green...but ....I digress......

He asks:  "What are you making"

"A swatch", I say or more correctly, bitch.

The knitters will understand and feel my pain.   Swatching is the bane of a knitter's existence and requires math.  (dun dun dun duuuunnn  scary music sound)   For those non-knitting people let me explain.   Swatching is when you knit a bunch of samples to find out if your knitting gauge and number of stitches will make your project be the right size.   Attempting to explain to The Dumbplumber, (ladies...don't attempt  this at home. Especially if you have both had a drink or two.)

Me explaining:  "You have a pattern like THIS one   ...that I plan to make.

There is a suggestion on the yarn, size of needles and the number of stitches per inch and the number of rows per inch.  If you can knit this gauge....you are in like Flynn (whatever that means).  If not. Then your sweater will fit Godzilla or your sweater will fit a midget, but certainly not YOU.

For example

1. The pattern calls for 20 stitches to equal 4 inches on size 7 needles

2. The pattern calls for 60 stitches for a particular piece: say a part of the front.  Then the piece should equal  60/20 = 3 units   So...then 3 units should be 3 x 4" =  a 12  inch piece

All well and good, until you substitute another yarn and when you take into consideration that each person has a different style and tension in knitting.   Also if you use a different yarn, it may not knit up the same.

For example:  If my gauge works out to  16 stitches = 4 inches then the piece will be much larger.  

60 stitches/16 stitches =  3.75 units    3.75 x 4 =  15 inch piece.  

THREE inches too big on just one piece!!   Multiply this effect over all of the other parts of the sweater and you have a gigantically larger than you want sweater.

Go the other way and assume you have MORE stitches per inch and then your sweater  will be tiny.  All that time you spent knitting will have been wasted.

The only way to know your gauge  is to make a swatch, which is to knit, in the pattern, a 4 x4 inch (at least) section.  Boooorrrring.  But what is worse is to not make a swatches and make a sweater that no one born on this Earth can wear.  If you don't swatch you will be wasting hours upon hours of time. Even though this is boring beyond belief, it's better than not doing it.   And so on."  

Until the Dumbplumber's eyes begin to roll backwards in his head.

Dumbplumber having listened to all of this above reasoning (or rather bitching)

Asks: " So what do you do with this stuff you are knitting now?"

"I tear it up and roll it back into a ball", I say.

Staring at me in disbelief......"You are f***ing nuts.", says he.

I can't disagree.

We Took A Sunday Drive and Had a Picnic.

This last weekend we finally had a beautiful sunny day.  We have had months of sub freezing temperatures.  Between Christmas and the first week of February,  we had only  20 hours where the temperatures were above freezing.  There still is snow and ice that are lingering in the shady spots.  But, as always, this too shall pass and spring is in the air.  So, The Dumbplumber and I decided to take a Sunday drive and have a small picnic.

Arriving at a client's house to sit on their overlook,. we borrowed  their view for a bit.   We have a lot of absentee or seasonal clients for which we do various plumbing maintenance services: like winterizing so the pipes and pumps won't freeze and break, then recharging the systems in the spring.  Sitting on a bluff of ancient lava rocks and looking at the beautiful view, we ate fried chicken, chips and fruit salad and tried to fend off some crows who felt that we should share.

The view is spectacular

Majestic Mt Shasta close up

Sand Hill Cranes

Next we decided to drive up to the next valley, over the mountain and at an higher elevation, to see what was happening.  The geology of the area is that these valleys are the remnants of glacial lakes.  Every spring the valleys are full of water from springs and are the perfect areas for the multitudes of migratory that come through. Ducks and  Geese are common in the thousands.   This time we had the exciting moment of seeing hundreds of Sand Hill Cranes in one place.  Unfortunately, I severely lack camera-foo abilities and was unable t see where I was aiming due to sun glare so this is the best photo I could get.

Driving along we also saw a sight that while unpleasant, is a fact of life in the 'outback' of rural Western living.   Liberal and urban heads are exploding everywhere.

Am I a really evil person, because one of my first thoughts was......what a waste of fur?   Coyote coats are the most beautiful things.   Yeah....I guess I am.   Life in the country.

Note: these photos were re-sized to be small enough to post.  The actual links are

Here: Majestic Mt Shasta 
         The Wider View
         Coyote on a fence

The Circle of Life: Sometimes It Just Gets Broken

The Circle of Life: Sometimes it just gets broken and there is nothing to do but to deal with it. 

By Circle of Life, I mean where you grow in several stages.  This is MY perception of how it works based on my experiences.  Your results may vary, as they say in the commercial disclaimers.

Stage One:  as child dependent upon your parents to guide and mold you. For a while your parents are as Gods. They are wise, all knowing, the source of comfort and everything else that a young child must have.

Mom and Me

Stage Two: Soon, you grow into a teenager straining to find out who you really are. Ah...the teen years. Teen age angst.  What a trial for the parents.  You go out of ways to assert your independence and to just be contrary to all authority.  There is an ongoing power struggle between teen girls and their mothers, sons and fathers.  At this point you realize that maybe the parental units are NOT perfect or God like.  You've seen the cracks in the facade in some ways.   Perhaps it is the party where someone got a bit too drunk, was having fun and became embarrassing.  Maybe an uncomfortable argument between the parents.  Everything your family does is now worthy of an eye roll or two.

Stage Three: Thankfully we grow out of that teenager stage.  You go out on your own.  College, maybe. Get a job and an apartment of your own.  Move to another town. Now you begin to realize that life is more than being a child or an obnoxious teen dependent.  The bills keep coming in and you suddenly realize that ....Woah.....someone has to clean the bathroom, change the toilet paper roll and buy the food and all that stuff. This means I have to keep going to my job! and I can't just spend all my money on fun things.  Maybe that home and family thing was worthwhile.  Still figuring out who you are you experiment will all kinds of things. You might occasionally think about your parents and the fact that they were young at one time and remember some of their stories, if your parents were of a mind to share their own youthful indiscretions.   But mostly, it us all about you and your new exciting life.

Somewhere between stage two and three,  you discover SEX.  You are sure that it has never been this way for anyone before.  You are special..... THEN suddenly it dawns on you that your parents have had sex too.   At least once or twice, depending on how many siblings you have.  Eeeewwww!  This may require that I rethink my views of my parents and think about why they dropped us off at the theater every Saturday so we kids could spend the afternoon watching bad B movies......  Naaah.

Stage Four:   The real relationship stage.  You find a boy or girl that you like a lot and you discover that the 'way of love' is not all that easy.  It might work out and turn into marriage or you might find out that it is just a way of woe.  Suddenly, your parents seem to be more understandable.  Those arguments and quirks that they exibited that were so embarassing to you, make some sense.  You might be able to confide in your mother or father and even ask for advice.  They aren't Gods like they were when you were small, but.....somehow as you have gotten older, they seem to have gotten so much smarter. Amazing how that can happen.

Stage Five:  Marriage and children.  If you manage to make it past stage four, you are now married and have children of your own.  There is a moment where it dawns on you, perhaps when you are changing diapers or getting up yet again in the middle of the night to feed the baby or walk the floor at 2 am trying to console your colicky child.....WOW.  My mother/father did this same thing for me.!!! And I took it all for granted.   As a new mother or father, you will now be able to reach out to your parents for advice and ask them.  How did you handle this problem.  What was it like for you?  (They THEY are now Grandparents and working their way through their own Circle of Life.) 

Now, you can talk woman to woman or man to man.  You parents are morphing into friends and confidants.  People.  Not just parents, but people who have pasts, likes, dislikes.  As your own children grow and you deal with the intricacies of a marital relationship, this friendship grows ever more strong.

Stage Six:  Finally, you have gotten your children through their teen years and you also remember just what a little prick or bitch you were to your own parents.  (I apologized to my father at that point.) Your children are in Stage Three.    Ahhhh.  At last. The empty nest.  Free at last free at last.  Adults without young children and you can do the things you put off while raising the family.  Travel. Go to resorts and experience fine dining.  Sleep IN on Sunday and walk around the house in your underwear without a snotty teenager rolling eyes at you.   

Three Generations

Stage Seven:  Finally.  Grandchildren of your own to spoil.  Now you are the valued source of information.   

Somewhere in these last stages, you begin to realize the mortality of your parents and yourself.  Life isn't eternal as you think it is in your teen and young adult years.  Friends, family are dropping like flies and you realize that time is precious.  You'd better spend as much of it as you can with your parents if they still exist and your children and grandchildren before the circle stops spinning..

Such is the circle of life.  Wheel within wheels.  We are all on the circle at various points.  But....sometimes the circle breaks as it did for my mother and for the rest of us.

Scanning the Past

I'll admit it.  I'm a compulsive clipper and saver.  I clip out recipes from magazines and file them away into categories. When I go to yard sales I buy old cookbooks.  I especially love the small books put out by clubs and ladies associations.  Interesting regional books.  Old cookbooks that are a view into what our lives were like in other times, like the depression or the roaring 20's.

I have binders and shelves full of crafting magazines.  McCalls, Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, American Home Crafts.  I have clipped and saved crafting ideas and instructions from magazines for decades, since the 1960's when I started crafting.  Boxes and files full of old and yellowing clippings that I can peruse when looking for a new idea or an old idea that is new again.  Decorating and house ideas.  Yardscapes and gardening ideas.   We actually used many of those as inspiration when building our house.

Often I look at these old ideas and get great inspiration.  Other times I just laugh and wonder......what were we thinking?  Seriously.  Using styrofoam meat trays as an art form?   Who would want to wear

THIS or even spend a great deal of time making such a monstrosity.

OMG the 70's What were we thinking

What self respecting man would wear THIS.  Why in the world did I ever clip this and save it

Really Ugly Trout Sweater

Some ideas are still interesting and inspiring.  Classics that don't go out of style.  I think I will be making this sweater this winter for myself.

Aran Sweater

What?!!   What are you looking at??   I'm not a hoarder.   Everything is organized and neat.  ORGANIZED I tell you  :-)

Well.  Enough is enough with the piles of clippings. Now that I'm retired and I have time to get back into the things I love to do.  Cooking and Crafting, it is time to get into the 21st century already.  I am now in the process of scanning the craft clippings into PDF or JPEG formats.   Now I can clutter up my computer with files instead of my filing cabinet.

Scanning the past and saving the ideas.   Now if I can just bring myself to actually throw away the clippings after I have scanned them.   Nope.....not a hoarder.

Skip the Debates....Let's Have a Duel

This morning, Dumbplumber (my ever lovin' hubby) and I remarked how completely sick and tired we are of the never ending blather from the talking heads about the upcoming election.  Sick of all of them from Fox to CNN to NPR.  The latest is all about the debate preparations for Obama and Romney: who is going to be better at answering the stupid media questions, who has a more soaring oratorical style and who can blather more than the other guy.

In fact, one talking head said "We are awaiting dueling speeches from the candidates."   Hell.....why don't we just skip the speeches part and go directly to a good old fashioned duel.   It was good enough for Andrew Jackson.   Romney vs. Obama at 20 paces with pistols.  Or swords.   Ooooo  I know....Light Sabres.

However, since everything associated with Obama is racist,  and probably a white dude like Romney aiming a gun at Obama could possibly construed as racist, I suggest we use stand ins to take the place of  the candidates.

My suggestions:

Ted Nugent can stand in for Romney

Michael More for Obama

Put it on Pay Per View.  Watch the money come rolling in.

Genius.   Right????

Proof: No one is serious about the Green Movement

The "Greenies" is my name for the eco-nazis who want to save the earth by limiting our consumption of water, energy, food, lightbulbs and just about everything else.   They want us to watch our carbon footprint and save the Earth.  They nag us about everything and won't be happy until we all are living in a Luddite world, huddling in the dark and chained to our hovels by high gasoline prices, high energy prices and eating sticks and twigs.

Well, I have proof that they are not serious.  That they are full of shit and don't really mean any of the things they tell us.  That they don't live by their own rules and did I already mention.....full of shit.

When you check into a motel or hotel, you are gently chided ....nagged at....to save the planet by conserving, turn off the lights, set the A/C at a higher temperature.  Hang up your towels and not have your sheets changed to save the water.  Don't take a long shower.  Don't let the water run when you are brushing your teeth.   Ok.  Not a problem.  I don't change my sheets daily at home anyway and I can use the same towel more than one time.

BUT....here is the proof that they don't really mean it and it is all just eyewash.  Proof that the Green Movement is all about controlling the proletariat and nothing about actually conserving or taking care of the environment.

A few days ago, The Dumbplumber, and I checked into a hotel we like to stay at for a little R&R.  It is next to a great steak house and we can have some cocktails, walk to the restaurant, have some more cocktails and not worry about driving or getting a DUI.

Coincidentally, we were booked into the very same room that we had 3 months before.  The same room that we complained about the toilet tank leaking through the flapper all  the time.  About every 5 to 7 minutes a gallon or so of water would leak and the tank would turn on.  Wooosh.   The Dumbplumber being an actual.....wait for it.....PLUMBER, informed them at the desk of the leakage and that a $4 flapper would fix the problem.

Did they fix it....HELL NO.  Again.  Water wooshing all night long, every 5 to 7 minutes.  Dumbplumber finally got up and turned off the water supply and in the morning the tank was bone dry.  So....not only is this annoying, we got to thinking about the amount of wasted water running down the sewers.   I'm all about conserving and not wasting, but I'm not making a religion of it like the Greenies.

Here's the math. 

24 hours a day X 60 minutes =  1440 minutes
1440 minutes / 5 minutes =  288  gallons of water down the toilet in one day
288 gallons X 365 days a year = 105,120 gallons a year

105,120 gallons x 10 (at least) other leaky toilets in this hotel = 1,051,200

Over a million gallons a year in just this ONE hotel.   There are probably at least 10 other hotels losing similar amounts of water so now we have 10.5 MILLON gallons of wasted water. 

So.....Not only are they wasting enormous amounts of water, the water bills must be enormous as well and the costs are passed onto the hotel patrons. If they were really serious about the crap they lecture us about, they would have taken the Dumbplumber's advice in the first place and fixed their leaking toilets. 

When the Al Gores of the world downsize their houses, quit flying around in personal jets.  When the Michelle Obamas of the world start eating what they expect us to eat and stop flying around in huge jets at OUR expense.  Then I might consider taking their advice.   But, THEY aren't serious and we can't take them seriously either until they start acting like it.
 

Hello Blog...Long Time No See

 Hello Blog...Long Time No See.

Wow.  It has been months since I have posted anything to you.   I know you must feel neglected as a blog so I promise to try to pay more attention to you.   But really, life has been rather busy so some things just end up on the back burner.  It doesn't mean that I don't care about you as a blog or want to make you feel unnecessary.   Seriously. I will try to do better and make it up to you by posting something new once in a while.

Celebrating Earth Day.....MY Way.

Earth Day

Wow.  I'm really out of the loop.  I was just informed that today April 22 is earth day.

We were busy the last couple of days celebrating Hot Rods with massive fire breathing carbon belching  engines Demon 4 barrel carbs. (not the kind that Al Gore is concerned about either!)  GMC 6-71 blowers  and the mother of all engines the blown and injected 426 Hemi.   Drinking and checking out the Rat Rods, Resto Rods and refurbished classics.   The coolest one we saw was a 47 Buick slant back, lowered air suspension, all leather handcrafted interior, kick ass stereo system....weighing in at 4200 pounds of steel, chrome and glossy green paint and probably getting 10 mpg.     Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera this year, so here are some shots from previous years.

 

As you can see, we are all torn about almost missing Earth Day.

Now that we are back home, I guess we'd better on that Earth Day stuff.  So today we will

1. Turn the pump back on in the well to start irrigating the garden, orchard and lawn.

2. Hose off the decks and clean with a mild TSP solution to get rid of the dirt and moss that keeps trying to grow in the shadiest area.

3. Pile up the rest of the orchard and tree trimmings and burn the pile before the ban on burning is in effect.

4. Spray around and under the decks for yellow jackets and paper wasps.  They are definitely looking to establish homes there and it ain't gonna happen on my watch.  DIE!!!

5.  Prepare a BBQ for this fabulous sunny afternoon and bake a cherry pie with the frozen cherries from last season.   There is going to be a ton of cherries and plums again to judge by the blossoms and busy bees. So we had better get busy emptying out the freezer and get ready.

We will have country pork ribs seared over carbon emitting charcoal briquettes, potato salad, green salad, fruit salad and French bread.  Maybe some daiquiris or margaritas while we are waiting for the meat to cook.

Probably not the approved sanctioned 'green' activities for Earth Day, but ....hey.....you celebrate the way you want and we will celebrate in our own way.